A NewYear, A New Opportunity to Record Your Memories

We all make resolutions at the beginning of a new year and I know mine is to spend more time writing a new book, I have just started and to try to write a little about my early life. We were just asked at church if we could remember the first time we remember hearing the name of Jesus. It made me think of my earliest memories of Bible stories and Sunday school; I think it was learning a hymn, “Jesus loves me” that I most remember. Another memory is one of my mother telling me that when she was a little girl in a large family, her father rarely showed anger but, if he felt annoyed with any of them, he would go out into the back yard and the children would hear him saying,”Jesus, Jesus” over and over. When he felt better,  he’d come back inside! I think I will put that into my own story now.

After church, I visited an old 95-year-old man. After I told about the question in the sermon, his mind was immediately thrown back to his own childhood and early memories of Sunday school  in an old community hall opposite the church. He  remembers winning a prize for memorizing some verses. He went on to talk about the church near Sandringham in England and then to Christmas where Queen Mary gave each child on the estate a gift. I think I’m now going to resolve to record more of his interesting memories as his grandfather was responsible for all the clocks in the royal residence in Sandringham. Fascinating stuff! And all that came today from one mention of Jesus.

Talking to many people of the past year, I appreciate how unique each life is. One lady from Liverpool has always preferred travelling by ship rather than by plane across the Atlantic; this has grown into a love of cruising in recent years. Another man, I wrote about this year, made me understand what it was like to be in Italy during the years 1942-43. His memory of personal incidents brought that history alive for me and, I know for his young grandchildren too.

The very act of writing someone’s story helps us understand how different lives have developed. We find themes that thread through the tapestry of life such as sea travel for one woman. It is a natural for people to look back at life to make sense of what’s happened as the old man did about he years he spent as a young mechanic with the Canadian army. The skills he learned then gave him entry into a job he kept for life. Maybe your grand children would love to know more about  how your life evolved and why it went a certain way. Writing a life story gives each one of us new insight; it is a gift for anyone involved in helping you because taking the time for a shared experience is always worthwhile. It can build family relationships.

Depending on your own energy, there are various ways you can record your memories. I will list them below.

1.Photo Albums that are annotated: Some people prefer to create a personal story through pictures. We often make memory albums for children who are leaving home or getting married. Pictures jog the memory of an older relative with a story to tell.It’s a good way to start a new project.  A photo scrapbook with comments is even better.

2. A Keepsake  Scrapbook: This could be enough for some one younger or someone who just wants to highlight certain features of his/her life. It is a good way to get records organized before writing a memoir. It lends itself to themes more such as family holidays, homes, pets, school days, special occasions and so on. It will allow for a more artistic presentation with larger photographs or records that are meaningful for the person who is featured in it.

3. Audio Tape or CD: As you remember incidents, it is good to record them in some way. The easiest method today is using a digital recorder that can eventually be made into a CD. Recording someone telling the story makes it easier to write it out in that person’s voice later. This is something you could do with one family member. It could be fun. It will be a lasting record of someone’s voice. I know because we taped my father in law 28 years ago before he died and we can still listen to him.

4. A Written Memoir: This is the most lasting way of sharing your story. Nothing is a better gift for your family and friends to treasure. If you have done a taped interview, a book can be made from the memories you record. You can plan the book chronologically or as a series of stories.

5. A Video: If you are not camera-shy, a family member or friend could video-tape part of your story to add to a book. It may be used too to explain a photo collection and tell a really funny story. The video could include family members listening to you or another relative.

Once you have considered the method you will use, make a decision about what approach suits you or your subject’s budget as well as interest. Think:-

*Is this just for the family or is it for public use?

*What do I hope to accomplish in it?

*Will I need help in putting it together?

Start slowly to gather your evidence, photos and other memorabilia and you will soon see what is possible to achieve over time. Enjoy this. It can be fun and rewarding. It’s a great way to share your memories with a youngster on a snowy afternoon. Set a goal to organize your ideas in some way before January or at the latest, before February is over.

A Unique Gift for Christmas or Hanukkah

Are you looking for a special lasting gift?

Why not give the gift of your time with a close relative or friend and record his/her life story? You could make up a gift card and put it into a Christmas or Hanukkah card, offering your time to sit with someone to record his/her story. Our lives are usually so full that offering our time is in itself a gift for any season.

Too few of us value our own lives and accomplishments. Maybe you have the time to write about your own life for a younger relative or you can write for an older relative who would enjoy telling his story. Writing your story for a child who is looking at Family History at school is invaluable and special for him or her. If you keep a journal of your time spent with a family over the holiday season, a child could add her/his thought to it. It would make memorable reading later on.

I have just been recording on a digital recorder, the memories of a lady of 94 whose family want her story and her experiences written down ( as well as recorded on CD). It is a gift they can all share at Christmas and it gives the lady who is telling her story, a great deal of pleasure. Another friend wanted to record her life for her daughters so I asked questions and she told her story into the recorder. I know it is wonderful for a family to have the audio recording after someone has died because it is another link with the person. I recorded my father in law who died 20 years ago ; my grand children can now hear his voice and funny stories. That delights us.

Taking time to do this is therapeutic for the storyteller and the recorder. It reveals a keen interest in someone’s life and shows that another person cares deeply enough to take the time or spend the money to make a book our of the recording. If you have a personal digital recorder, you will find it an asset for interviewing older relatives. It is unobtrusive and it is voice activated. You can also upload to your computer to produce a CD as a gift.

There is also much fun in looking up old photos and generating talk about that experience. Meeting family members at Christmas (or any holiday)  time is another opportunity for looking at old albums and of producing more memorable pictures that can be used in a life story. I find one memory leads to another and funny stories can be incorporated in a memoir verbatim with the corresponding photograph.

I urge you to take the time to do this. If you need a short guide, there is one on my website at www.truestorybooks.com. I suggest methods, questions to use and give help with technical details. Having done fifteen life stories, I know they are gifts that are treasured.

Tips for parents in handling a child with a seriously ill relative

How many of you parents need help when you are faced with explaining a relative’s serious illness to a small child? It’s an increasingly common problem for many of us.
“It’s not hard to do once you understand how children process information but, it’s sometimes hard to be prepared when a situation like this arises,” says Jane Buttery, author of the picture book Nana, I Miss You and a pastoral care volunteer with 20 years of hospice experience.

Jane Buttery offers insight and the following tips for helping children understand and cope with a loved one’s serious illness:
.

• Be positive and available to the child.
• Discover how to handle a five year old’s needs at such a time.
• Expect anger and disappointment if the child misses sharing past activities with sick relative.
• Be honest with children and clear about the outcome.
• Involve the child in visits to a hospital or hospice.
• Encourage the child to do something for a  sick relative.
• Suggest to a interested sick relative how small interactions can show a child love.
• Read to him/her.
• Distract him with other activities such as a visit to a park.
• Parents at a loss for words will find help by sharing this story with children

This is a beautiful, heartfelt story, one that could be of great use to parents who need to prepare young children for the death of an older relative. The use of the butterfly’s development from the caterpillar stage, perfectly layered over the main story to illustrate what is taking place, gives hope and adds interest for the reader.

Nana, I Miss You is a picture book for ages 4 to 9. It will be available at http://www.truestorybooks.com.in 2012 or December 2011

People with Influence on Our Lives

I just had to produce a sketch of someone in my life for a writers meeting. That made me think of people who have directly influenced my own direction in life as well as those who became my heroes, once I learned about them.

I had several godly women in my life who set me an example of kindness to others, faith in God and especially loving one another. My mother was a busy shop owner but she always put us first in her thoughts.  She encouraged us at school, would not take “I can’t” for an answer and always told us to remember those who had been kind to us. Another dictum of hers was, “If it isn’t honest, helpful or kind, don’t say it.”

My mother had two lovely sisters who were more than kind to me and my brother. One gave us unconditional love and told silly stories; another was a teacher who showed us how to learn and develop a better vocabulary. She introduced me to the theatre and music, and took us to a Butlin’s Holiday Camp geared to young children like us after teaching all year.

I also had another aunt who took us to Church, then Sunday School in Wales in wartime and encouraged us in our faith. Like my mother, she was a member of the Mother’s Union and she spent many hours helping with church outreach as well as bringing up my five cousins. But she always made time for us to have fun as teenagers too. She sang a song that is almost a motto for me; it is called “If I can help somebody, then my living will not be in vain.” My own life story would be incomplete without the example of such fine family members.  I believe anyone’s life story will reveal the  influence of close relatives.

Outside my family there were others; good teachers who opened up literature  and history to me and, most of all my old music teacher. She was very demanding but showed appreciation for good lesson preparation. At her historic home I discovered a different world full of music, theory, old pictures and wonderful recordings. My appreciation for classical music dates from my five years with Miss Bridge when I was at the grammar school.

Even people I read about and immediately admired have had an influence. One was a missionary Gladys Aylward who went to China; another was Dr.Albert Schweitzer, medical missionary in Africa. More recently I have admired the non-violent approach of Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King.  My faith has grown because of the people I have come to know.

I loved the books of L.M. Montgomery as a child and later, those of  Dickens and Jane Austen who influenced my thinking about life. To complement my growing interest in history, I read many historical novels. One person wrote, “If you want to know a person, note what he reads.” How true! Certain Christian authors, particularly those in the Bible, along with Jesus’ own words, have had the most profound influence.

This blog has been more personal because I wanted to show how different people have affected my life for the better and helped me choose to be a teacher, a writer and a pastoral care person for my parish.  Maybe it is obvious but I needed time to remember their influence on me.  I am sure anyone else will see similar influences in his or her life too. Just think about them!

Difficult days- do we include them or not?

Recently, a good friend died and it made me think of those difficult times that are hard to talk about. Do we avoid them in a memoir or not? I think if we can find something positive from the experience of a serious illness, a family death or a misunderstanding, it could add some value to our story.

We may have learned from an unpleasant happening; we all learn from our mistakes. I remember a boy whom I did not like chasing me around on his bike when I went home from playing tennis in our village.I complained to my mother  who knew about his family. She suggested that, instead of saying ,”I can’t like him or talk to him” that I should try. One Friday, I did stop riding and said hello to him. He said nothing so I asked how he was and why he enjoyed cycling. He murmured that it was how he passed the time. My attitude to him changed because I had faced a situation that bothered me. I also learned a little compassion.

I know life wasn’t easy for my mother after my father had his back broken but her determination to give us a good education ,made her work long hours in her shop and become very successful buying what people needed during and after WWII. It was difficult for my father who was always in pain and dealing with his pain and emotions was one way I learned how to understand others who suffer.

Wartime brought me many years of separation from my parents. Today war has left many homeless and in far worse condition than my brother and I were with relatives who loved us. Living with older uncles gave me opportunities to hear stories of their past and a fascinating story about how my grandfather came to live in the Welsh valley. I loved those stories so, out of an unhappy separation, I discovered something about my family’s adventurous spirit and I bonded with cousins who would normally have lived miles away.

The pain of losing family and friends is still there, especially one close friend I lost when we were both young mothers and when I felt she had so much to give. She had a brain tumour at 32 years old and died within two years. Her courage when she went blind and her joy  with our visits to her on some days was amazing. I still miss her but I feel privileged to have experienced her friendship and her acceptance of her illness. I think I will always include these difficult times in my own story because it was through them that I learned about courage, love and some understanding of other people.

Make Use of Family Reunions and Holidays.

Summer is often the time for family reunions; it’s when we may catch up on news and old stories someone else knew in our family and they often make us laugh. You could easily use a family reunion to ask a relative about some past events or people you feel you should know better. You may also find out more when you stay with a relative. Speaking to an older relative in particular might be rewarding

So, I’m suggesting to you– ask your older relatives while they are still around. I found out so much later from censuses and wish I’d known to ask about the people shown there. For instance, I thought my father was one of two children and then I discovered that his father had first been married to another woman who had given him four children and died in childbirth in 1884. It took my grandfather 6 years to find another wife, my grandmother, to care for his young children. His oldest may have been about 16 when my father was born so maybe they did not know each other. I wish we’d had a family reunion at which I could have met these four older siblings when I was much younger.

When I was on holiday in Wales 3 years ago, I met a second cousin and discovered loads of information about my grandmother’s sister. I saw that pictures of her children revealed likenesses to my mother’s sisters. It was an exciting find. The stories I was told too confirmed how hard life was in the early 20^th century for miners’ families.

Through my interest in genealogy, I met a third cousin in USA. We corresponded for a while and I was given pictures of her grandfather, my paternal grandmother’s brother. It could have been my own father- the same shape face and just as small strays of hair left. I not only discovered how adventurous my great uncle was in coming to America with two other brothers, I also met my new cousin. Later I had a holiday with her and her husband in Florida. That correspondence has been a source of joy then and now. You never know what might happen if you follow through an interest in your family.

I wish you success and fun in discovering more family stories this summer. Summer is certainly a time to cement family bonds and learn facts and stories that can add to your own life story writing.

Lives that can influence you are worth including in Your Story

I am coming up to another birthday and it makes me think of the people who have influenced my life. Because certain people influence us by the way they live life, I think they are worthy of mention in our own life story.

It goes without saying that parents are often a major influence. My father was determined that I should have music lessons as he loved it and only played by ear. My mother was equally determined that my brother and I had a good education. She was prepared to spend money to give us one. If anyone asked her ( in 1950′s) why she chose to encourage me to go to university, she’d say, “If you educate a boy, you educate an individual. If you educate a girl, you educate a family.” Her words, her maxim, have influenced me in encouraging our children to read and go onto further studies. Another person who influenced me was an aunt who was a teacher and who lost her husband in WWII as well as her mother and baby within a year. It was a real tragedy but she showed me her strength of character and her faith in God through it all.  She later showed the same faith in dealing with cancer 35 years later. That example has stayed with me too. I had other aunts who were loving and kind to many people and a mother who always sought to help others. I have tried to follow in their footsteps.

I write this about my own family to show you that people in our lives can and should be incorporated into our own life stories or memoirs because of their influence on us. You may remember an influential teacher or a mentor later in life. If you are married, your spouse will have been an influence too. I would encourage you to look for those influences, for sayings that have stayed with you and for lasting values they passed on that affected the direction your life has taken.

Use feelings to enliven your text and make for more interesting reading

You may have really strong feelings to vent and getting them down on paper will be good therapy for you. You may also want to add colour, life and texture through your descriptions or inserted remembered conversations. Weave your emotions into the text; let the reader feel the heat of a WWII battle or the thrill of your first ride on a roller coaster. Do this by setting your scene in some detail with what the weather was like and what you chatted about. Every person has drama, suspense, conflict and joy in their lives. Express this and your biography will be more interesting to read.

If it was a lazy summer day, show that through your colourful descriptions in longer sentences. If it was a frightening situation, keep sentences short. Show how you rushed around by quoting short bits of conversations that have stayed with you.

I remember a hot July day on a sandy beach in Wales when I dozed off because I felt the children were safe looking for crabs. Then one of the boys cried out, “Nanny, come here. Matthew has fallen into the water.” I can hear the urgency in Richard’s voice even now. I got up, knocking over the deck chair and rushed to the pools of water near the rocks. Matthew had slipped on a rock and fallen onto his back. He was soaked but not hurt. Just in shock. Fortunately the water was shallow enough for me to lift him up easily. He was just scared. I held him close. Then I dried him off and wrapped him in my big blue sweater.  But both boys still remember that incident, although they laugh about it now.

This is just one memory I had but it may help you to see how I remember it. You may remember other incidents in your own life that come back to you as you smell something or hear an old song. Every time I go to a bakery, I remember going to buy bread with seven pence when I was about seven. It was just down the road from my aunt’s house and I loved going there. The warm delicious aroma of newly baked bread was irresistible! I paid the baker and took the bread wrapped in a white bag, holding its warmth close to me. Before I was ten steps away, I bent over the loaf and dug my thumb and fingers into one end to taste the wonderful hot bread. There was quite a hole in it by the time I reached our house. I can hear my aunt say, “Not again!” And then she’d laugh. I was lucky.

What happens when you smell a special dish cooking or after you hear music that brings tears to your eyes? Do you remember a place or a person by the scent another may wear?

Do you ever get the feeling of “déjà vu”?  Using these memories and feelings will enliven your text and interest your readers. Why not try it?

Get to the CORE of Good Writing Habits

Looking back at my other blogs, I realize that I’ve given tips on how to collect useful resources but not on how to get on with the job.   For me, the CORE of writing is essentially this: each time I find that I

Collect resources

Organise what I will use and how

wRite it and Revise the way I can improve my writing

Edit for correct grammar, spelling and punctuation.

Once I have collected information I start to organise how I will use it in my writing. An early photograph or two will prompt me to write about a person’s early life. But someone else’s stories may be the best way to start. With one professional musician, I used his bio in a program to introduce the man and lead to the person behind it.I saw it as a way to interest my readers.

Having an idea how to organise the life story helps me write more fluently.When I have written a chapter, I read it over and try to see what words I need to revise in order to improve my own writing and make the picture of the person clearer as it were.  I try to put myself in my reader’s place and give him or her the most accurate view of my subject. If I am retelling someone’s story, I make sure that I use his words and reveal any pauses before the punch line.

Recently I collected a story on a digital recorder and thought I’d got it ordered correctly only to find I needed to revise it for more  impact. Then I added punctuation which revealed the surprise of the punch line better; this was an editing job.  The story was  about a little girl making mud pies for a kind neighbour who went along with her make-believe until, one day, she saw him dump her latest masterpiece! I needed to improve my own writing using more appropriate punctuation even after I’d revised the words I had first written. I applied my CORE method to this bit of writing.

When I’m almost finished with a life story I apply the same method in doing a final revision, asking myself questions.

Have I made use of all the resources I collected?

Do I need to organize the pictures and documents differently?

Have my revisions made the story clearer?

Is all the editing done? Perhaps some else could read it through and edit it a bit more.

In the last memoir I wrote for an older lady, her daughter kindly read my writing and made some valuable suggestions that improved the finished product.

Maybe using this mnemonic device CORE will help you produce  a better story. Then you will be ready to print it for others to enjoy.

Photographs Prompt the Memory and Develop the Story

As I write life stories, I find that one really good way to encourage thought is to use a photo album with an older person. People enjoy looking through old albums anyway especially women and at each photo there is a chance to remember the event and say something about it .

It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words but , for someone who is delving into family history, it is often meaningless without the words of another family member who remembers the time and can explain the photo. Even with wedding pictures that are only black and white, it is good to hear a description of dresses and know why a particular colour (which is meaningful to the speaker) was chosen. We learn through conversations about old photos where the event took place, who was there, why certain things happened and how it all ended.

I was looking at one photo with a gentleman over 90 when he was standing by the wing of an airplane; through questions, I discovered that he was in Italy where a German plane had been brought down on a very hot day after much resistance. That picture became a real souvenir and was put into a local paper report before he came home after WWII.

My own mother had a picture of our house which showed her business in the front and shop windows. I always wondered why she did not have herself taken on the day my father and her cousins stood at the shop door. When I asked, I found out she was seven months pregnant with me and did not want to be photographed although she served others in her new shop. This told me more about my mother’s character and what was acceptable in 1935.

One old photo a friend had of a familygroup prompted him to discover more; it led to a fascinating pioneer story of a journey from Owen Sound to North Dakota and eventually into Manitoba. He had always wondered why his grandfather went west and how he made it. We discovered old photos on the web of early trains going west and added those to his story as well as the river boat used from St Cloud Minnesota to North Dakota, travelling the Mississippi in about 1882.

Mentioning the internet reminds me of the wealth of information often backed by old photographs. There are pictures of towns back in 1900 or later, there are old maps that explain previous boundaries and people dressed in period clothes that help us date the times our relatives lived. They all lead to fascinating conversations and bring up a flood of memories for older relatives.

I even found a photograph of my uncle in a football club in Wales when I could not even imagine he played! I was able to use that in my own family stories.  I am so glad to have discovered photographs that go back to 1870 as they have given me a glimpse into my family’s past.

Use photographs to talk and include them in any stories you write. It is well worth it.